I was on TV, apparently

So, I get an email from a good friend with whom I'm having lunch tomorrow, and she says, "I'm looking forward to seeing you. I think I saw you on the local TV news." When I talked to her, she said I was wearing Converse (my only shoes) and a black leather jacket (my only jacket) and walking on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. Unfortunately, my image was not used to accompany a story about "the hippest looks for spring" or "hairstyles that say 'now! now! now!'" -- I was used to illustrate a story about a rash of stabbings in my quaint village. (Don't tell my mom!) One crazy guy drove around stabbing random people in Harrigey, then an Albanian was stabbed to death in a barroom brawl in Wood Green, then an Indian shop keeper in Wood Green was stabbed to death during a robbery in which the robbers got away with two bottles of whiskey and no cash. It's just like living in Oakland, except without guns, and with different ethnicities.

But let's focus on what's important: I was on TV! I'm totally famous!